Mark Zuckerberg: Nuclear Terrorist
The Meta CEO Will Be History’s Greatest Monster
Last month, glistening android Mark Zuckerberg announced deals that will see his company Meta fund the construction of multiple new nuclear power plants. The facilities—each capable of illuminating entire cities—will instead be devoted exclusively to powering “Prometheus,” the CEO ’s megalomaniacally-named supercluster data center conceived to fuel his vision of a brave new AI-driven world inhabited by his billions-strong userbase of drooling dopamine sloths.
Kindly pause and chaw on that for a moment.
A single corporation—whose output consists entirely of pixels, cognitive atrophy, and suicidal teenagers—can now commission large quantities of fissile material for its own private use. Not for public infrastructure. Not for national defense. Not even for manufacturing physical goods with any material or practical worth whatsoever. But to keep Meta’s chatbots spewing porny deepfakes and psychotic hallucinations ever more fast and furiously. This is unprecedented—and egregiously hypocritical for any country long purporting to equate national security with energy independence.
For eighty years, America’s position on nuclear power has been clear: it is far too dangerous to be entrusted to shady characters, and fissile material falling into the wrong hands represents the gravest threat to mankind. That policy served as moral justification for our toppling of tin-pot dictators and religious loonies worldwide, the bullying of insufficiently obsequious nations—and even 100,000 U.S. military lives sacrificed. But now, in the latest spasm of our ongoing national prolapse of sanity, it seems we have little compunction about granting a personal nuclear fiefdom to Mark Zuckerberg—a man whose lifetime impact on humanity makes Osama bin Laden and Timothy McVeigh look like Pinky and the Brain.
That’s right—I’m calling Mark Zuckerberg a terrorist, and by 2026 standards, that’s not even hyperbolic. What else should we call someone who amasses unprecedented power, wields it with extrajudicial recklessness, ignores repeated international warnings, and leaves mass social and psychological devastation in his wake—all while never expressing a scintilla of remorse? (And that’s before factoring in the haircut.)
Besides, while the word “terrorist” was once reserved for enemy combatants swaddled in C4 bandoliers, these days our government routinely hurls it like a bratty pejorative at unarmed protesters and pretty much anyone else it disagrees with. Of course, all intellectually honest people see that as the grotesque semantic perversion it is, but there’s no denying the terrorist bar’s been lowered, and by the new standard, Mark Zuckerberg is absolutely, positively a one-man ISIS caliphate.
No, Zuckerberg’s terror does not arrive via hijacked jetliners or fertilizer-packed U-Hauls delivering cinematic explosions. It has arrived in slow motion over two decades via his five social media platforms, which 50% of the human race now use daily, and through which he has blithely normalized grossly inhuman communications paradigms that make people sick and angry, and plummet previously stable societies into algorithmically-driven tribal rage spirals.
A single corporation—whose output consists entirely of pixels, cognitive atrophy, and suicidal teenagers—can now commission large quantities of fissile material for its own private use.
The digital products Zuckerberg has unleashed on our species have facilitated state-sponsored persecution, ethnic cleansing, genocidal violence, and election interference across the globe. They are the go-to tools of predators, traffickers, hatemongers, propagandists, bullies, cultists, fascists, criminals, and poison peddlers; even the FBI acknowledges their indispensable role in allowing “both international and domestic terrorists to gain unprecedented, virtual access to people living in the United States in an effort to enable homeland attacks.”
And Zuckerberg didn’t merely build his apps; he precision-engineered dopamine-loop traps to exploit children’s neurobiological vulnerabilities and render them hopeless addicts. He knew he was peddling electronic crack, yet ignored impassioned warnings in the interest of profits. Today, at any given moment around the world, countless children are suffering severe psychological distress because of something algorithmically torpedoed into their tender psyches at point blank range by Mark Zuckerberg—leaving them alienated, alone, and broken.
Normally, to dehumanize anyone is immoral, but Zuckerberg has dehumanized himself. He is literally an aspiring inhuman cyborg, who advocates a future in which billions strap screens to their faces and abandon real human interaction. Zuckerberg’s long-term master product plan culminates in a reality where every human on earth communicates solely through his own unholy conduits—like English bulldogs so hideously deformed by human genetic meddling, they can’t even hump unassisted.
It’s tempting to call Zuckerberg a villain—but even the worst supervillains possess at least a modicum of charisma. The Facebook founder, however, is but a beige simulacrum of a man, an enigma as excruciatingly cringey as a Land of the Lost Sleestack: alien, robotic, and presenting as utterly devoid of any charm, style, grace, or wit.
In 20+ years, Zuckerberg has given the world nothing of enduring value—only electrons, algorithms, and an infinite digital sewer of human bile and cruelty.
And to think that Zuck has already wrought so much havoc by the tender age of 41—even without any private nukes. So what are we to expect when his same reptilian calculus of merciless scale, domination, and callous indifference to emotion gets plugged into 6.6 gigawatts of sweet, sweet fission?
We already know: nothing good. Because for all his wealth, power, and billions of mindlessly tapping daily users, in 20+ years Zuckerberg has given the world nothing of enduring value—only electrons, algorithms, and an infinite digital sewer of human bile and cruelty. Unfortunately, the “move fast and break things” pattern appears unstoppable: market forces prevail, and as Meta’s AI agents demand ever-more energy, the lines between corporation and nation will blur, and the billionaire sociopath will become a kind of nuclear sovereign—his weapons of mass derangement now superpowered and bearing radioactive signatures.
Fortunately, much of the world is moving rapidly to forcefully repudiate all things Zuckerberg. Australia has banned social media for children under 16. Spain, Greece, Denmark, New Zealand, and Malaysia have announced plans to do the same, and the entire EU, UK, and even mighty India increasingly appear ready to follow suit. Governments everywhere are recognizing the structural risk Zuckerberg represents, and indeed, trends point towards him becoming the single most reviled civilian in human history.
But if the rest of the civilized world can see Zuckerberg for the predatory threat he is, why are we instead poised to do the opposite—allowing him private nuclear capability in a total abdication of national common sense; feeding the beast that eats our children’s minds, and giving it an indestructible, enriched uranium heart?
For decades, America feared nuclear terror unleashed upon the homeland by a monster from abroad. But what if the monster was born right here, in a Harvard dorm? And what if this monster’s “Prometheus” doesn’t steal fire from the gods to give to mankind; it steals the fire of the world to devour mankind? Because this monster hides in plain sight wearing a hoodie and gauche gold chains—his bulging cybernetic eyes unblinking as he silently prompts his AI slaves. And they work tirelessly building the monster’s blueprint for nirvana: a future in which every last human thought will be his to exploit, and the mushroom clouds are made not of smoke, but of the scorched souls of yet another generation that never stood a chance.
Meta is the Catholic Church of Tech
Hark! Behold yonder crumbling buttresses of St. Zuckerberg’s Metaverse Cathedral!
About John Allen Wooden:
Howdy. I’m a writer, satirist, creative director, and dad based in Los Angeles. Having done hard time in big online media, ad agencies, late night TV, politics, and parenting, I created Epostasy as my little lab for gleefully dismembering all those self-important things. Check out my tech-skeptical kids book series, Screen Time Tales, along with other projects at johnallenwooden.com